November 22, 2017

Inside The News

BIRD FLEW NEWS: A spokesman for the NJ Transit said train officials reported a dozen or so wild turkeys waiting on a station platform in Ramsey, about 20 miles northwest of New York City. A spokesman for NJ Transit said, “Clearly, they’re trying to catch a train and escape their fate.” The only question was why the birds would want to head for Suffern, NY.

FONDER FODDER NEWS: Thailand has come up with yet another, seemingly unlikely way to capitalize on this globally loved, bamboo-munching animal: panda poop, turning it all into notebooks, fans, bookmarks and key chains. Now when people read stories they don’t appreciate, they can literally label it as “crap.”

SPORTS ART NEWS: Some people use scarecrows to chase away birds or garlic to block vampires. Rick Froebe of Soap Lake, WA, uses toilets to repel golfers. Froebe has erected a backyard fence made of old toilets, used bathtubs and some broken-down water heaters, all designed to prevent golfers from the adjacent Lakeview Golf & Country Club from approaching his yard. “It’s plumber art,” Froebe, 52, said. Some local golfers are rumored to be trying for a bowl hole in one.

RECLINER NEWS: A Walnut Creek, CA man sitting in his easy chair was shot in the head by his wife, but the sturdy recliner absorbed most of the bullet’s force and left him virtually unscathed. After talking to deputies, Norman Kamp was treated at a hospital and released. Jan Kamp, 58, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder and attacking a Lazy Boy, then booked at the County Jail.

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