February 28, 2024

Why You Should Vote . . .

OUT OF CLOSET INTO JAIL NEWS: Uganda’s parliamentary speaker said she wanted to pass as a “Christmas gift” for Ugandans an anti-gay law, which rights groups have criticized for its draconian penalties against homosexuals. The bill had initially proposed the death penalty for gays in the conservative east African country but still presents an array of jail terms for convicted homosexuals, including life imprisonment in certain circumstances. With 60% of Ugandans being Catholic, everyone is nervous.

SUPREME VOTING RIGHTS NEWS: The world’s greatest democracy was laden with long lines, misinformation and voter suppression during the 2012 elections. It proved to be an unnecessary challenge to many voters across America. Now this: Not one voter cast a ballot in one Minneapolis precinct on Election Day. That’s because the only living species in Ward 10, Precinct 3B, resides under water. A newly redistricted precinct map shows 3B is located entirely in the eastern half of Lake Calhoun. Not one fish voted in fear of being falsely accused of voter fraud.

WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE NEWS: Upset by the reelection of President Obama, a distraught woman ran down her husband with the family car in suburban Phoenix, AZ. The woman was arrested after running over her husband following a wild chase that left him pinned underneath the vehicle. She complained his lack of voter participation adversely affected her family. Election officials in Arizona now are hurrying to count the thousands of untallied votes.

REALLY, WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE NEWS: Robert McDonald has learned the hard way that every vote really does count. The candidate for Kentucky’s Walton City Council finds himself tied with rival Olivia Ballou for the sixth seat at 669 votes each. But it could have been decided by McDonald’s wife, Katie, who didn’t make it out to vote. Now, the decision will most likely be decided by a coin toss. No word on who Ballou voted for.

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