February 28, 2024

Loch Ness Laps Stunt

NESSIE NEWS: One lap of Loch Ness was barely tolerable, but two more proved too much for a group of nude swimmers who surrendered to bad weather. The four men and two women, taking turns of an hour each, began their charity stunt at night and completed their first 23-mile lap the following morning. That was all, as temperatures sank and winds rose. According to monitors and observers the temperature and winds weren’t the only things sinking and rising.

BOOK NEWS: Six Wisconsin library administrators have produced a sexy calendar they are selling to raise money for their libraries. Five middle-aged library directors and a 32-year-old assistant each put up $200 and posed provocatively, using oversize books to cover what their clothes usually do. The women appear to be naked in many of the photos, but all were at least partly clothed during the shoot. The six who took part in the project posed for two months each. It took that long for the photographer to stop laughing.

DOG BISCUIT NEWS: Troopers stopped Jong H. Kim, 23, of Overland Park, Kansas and called for a Wabash County Sheriff’s Department dog after he appeared to be very nervous and at one point vomited. As the dog walked around the car, Kim threw dog biscuits out the window toward the dog in an attempt to distract it, police said. The dog indicated the presence of drugs. Kim had to be pulled out of his car by officers, who found 75 grams of marijuana hidden in the car. The dog was rewarded with the discarded biscuits.

PASSPORT NEWS: Germans are being ordered to stay serious when having their photographs taken for passports, wiping away any grins, smirks or smiles so that biometric scanners can pick up their facial features. Passport authorities are to only accept pictures showing the most neutral facial expression possible. Facial recognition systems match key features on the holder’s face and work best when the face looks more like a terrorist, not a happy camper.

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