April 11, 2021

Horoscopes for December 9-15, 2012

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) This month, melodramatic complications can come from people close to you. It would be best to keep your distance, or wear one of those surgical mask thingies. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) You may feel as though it is impossible to combine your desires with what is good for you. You know – if it’s fattening, looks good or feels good, you can’t have it. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You decked your halls, sang carols door-to-door, gave away cookies to friends and co-workers. All that’s left is to smile when you unwrap…

Horoscopes for December 2-8, 2012

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You’re an activator, an instigator, maybe even an agitator trying to convince a certain someone that your way’s the best way. Unfortunately, they’re not buying it. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) You’re hoping to celebrate as you work to expand your mind. Sadly, your waistline is expanding at a more rapid rate, holding your mind hostage on the couch. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Your hopes and desires come into play this December — and the stars favor a risk. Stand under the mistletoe at work until someone comes along who will…

Horoscopes for November 25-December 1, 2012

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) This month, take into account what’s going on in your partner’s life, and don’t get too mad. Try to think about how you’d react if you had to put up with you. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Your life will become so fast-paced that you pass by opportunities never noticing that they were even there. Funny, usually it’s opportunities passing you by. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) Later this month, after days of working like crazy, you’ll be the happy recipient of some wonderful attention from the person you love most in the…

Horoscopes for November 18-24, 2012

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Getting your way will come easier this month. Asking people to comply by threatening to release your ferret up their pants leg seems to be getting the job done. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) This November, you will need to see a doctor about a sudden case of hyperactivity. Later you will confess to eating all the candy you bought for trick-or-treaters. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) This is the time of year when family gathers to celebrate and share good times. Unfortunately, your family all voted the other way and hate you…

Horoscopes for November 11-17, 2012

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You will tell everyone the true meaning of life is; Mersey Dotes and Dosey Dotes and Little Lambs Eat Ivy or Awop Bop A Lu Bop Alop Bam Boom. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Still recovering from a number of Halloween parties, you will show up for work in a variety of horror costumes. Fortunately, no one will notice. Business as usual. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will worry about reaching rock bottom. It’s not the rock you need to be concerned with, it’s the nasty, gooey, stinky bottom where all the…