September 20, 2017

Elvis Everywhere

THE KING-SIGHTED-AGAIN NEWS: Rock collector LaDell Alexander, 60, of Estes Park, CO, has found a stone she swears has the face of Elvis Presley on it. You don’t have to think Elvis is everywhere to see it: A pattern on the rock resembles a human head with dark hair and the king of rock’s trademark muttonchop sideburns. Of course, it resembled him during his heavy, drug influenced days, lowering its potential value on eBay.

LAW & ORDER NEWS: Love blossomed in a trial last year between alternate juror No. 3 and juror No. 6. The two made goo-goo eyes on the first day of the trial and went out to lunch during one long break. From there, the relationship blossomed and ended in a marriage proposal. News of the couple spread fast. Now singles are accepting their jury notices in hopes of finding true love.

A JOG IN THE BUFF NEWS: A man in Detroit, MI who was sentenced to 30 days in jail for taking his daily run wearing only a stocking cap, gloves and reflective tape said that the nude jogging made him “feel alive,” according to police. Thirty days running from other prisoners is probably also going to make him feel alive.

BIRD BRAINED NEWS: A pet macaw flew away from its owners and went missing last month. It turned up alive and well in a most unlikely place – 80 miles away at the Jersey shore. The bird, missing for five days, was returned to its owner in Cliffside Park, NJ. It appears the bird attempted to escape, but got lost in the thick air.

HOUSING MARKET NEWS: A house in Hopkington, RI is for sale. Priced well below its assessed value, it has four bedrooms and sits on more than a half acre of land. It’s also got vultures, lots and lots of vultures, and that’s made it a tough sell. An explanation from a nearby psychic is that it is an indicator that the current real estate market just may be truly dead.

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