November 22, 2017

Laser Achievement

NUCLEAR DEFENSE NEWS: The U.S. Air Force has tested an infrared chemical laser meant to shoot down launch-phase enemy missiles from a modified 747 airliner. The test wasn’t airborne; it was in a hangar at Edwards Air Force Base, and it didn’t actually shoot anything down, but one of the contractors said it was an exceptional achievement. The project has been in progress since before 1988 when Dr. Angelo Codevilla, a staff member of the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, declared the chemical laser ready to deploy.

BANK ROBBERY NEWS: Thieves responsible for the $42 million heist in Belfast, Ireland recently realized their ill-gotten booty is fundamentally useless and have offered to return the money for the ten percent reward.

FUZZY MATH NEWS: The U.S. Census Bureau reported that the state of Massachusetts, with a population of 6.41 million, had a population decrease last year of 0.1 percent, or 3,800 people. You do the math.

SOCIOLOGY NEWS: According to an Excentric survey, women who used the pick-up line, “Hello,” on men in bars were successful 100% of the time.

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